From Connie’s Mail Bag… Advice to a Young Boy

Dear Mrs. Thompson,

I am writing to complain about my momma.

My name is Robert and momma and my two younger brothers and me just moved here from Chicago. My mom grew up in Watervalley so she move us here because she and my dad got divorced.

The other day she was getting in my face about something and I told her to shut up. I’m twleve now and I know what’s what. But after I said that, she spanked me on my butt. It hurt, and I’m mad about it. I know from living in Chicago that she can’t do that. So, I’m going to call the Department of Human Services and tell them what she did. But if I do call the DHS lady, she’ll have momma locked up, which will make it hard on my two younger brothers.

What do you think I should do?

Robert Smith

 

Dear Robert,

I think you should call the DHS lady as soon as possible.

You’ll be talking to Mrs. Imogene Coleman. She’s been running the Watervalley DHS office for the last thirty years. 

And let me tell you the first thing Mrs. Imogene’s going to ask you. She’s going to say, “And just what did you do to your poor momma to make her have to spank you like that?”

Now, you go right ahead and tell Mrs. Imogene that told your momma to be quiet.

And just so you won’t be in suspense, let me tell you what Mrs. Imogene is going to say next. She’s going to tell you to have your mamma pop you on the backside one more time just for her. Then she’s going to tell you that if you ever talk back to your momma again, she’s going to come and spank you herself.

Robert, sweetie, you might as well just click your heels three times. You are not in Chicago anymore. You are back in the South and in the great State of Tennessee. Down here, not only does your momma have a friend in Jesus, she has a friend in the DHS lady, Mrs. Imogene. Start getting used to it.

Now, you go and have a nice day. But first, go hug your momma and tell her you love her.

Sincerely,

Connie Thompson